THAT SMILE. ALWAYS THAT SMILE.

I wrote this a long time ago. But i decided to post this alongside We Don't Talk Anymore because I didn't know when else i'll be brave enough to share this. 

I'll always melt when I see that smile. That half smile he makes when he looks at me. That short gaze we give each other when we smile at each other. Always that smile. 

Pretty much annoyed at how a single smile can make me say 'yes' to anything. Its that smile that makes me want to smile along with him. Why is that stupid smile my kryptonite? 

Been waiting long enough to actually write about this guy crush i have towards someone. Lets be honest here, who here doesn't know who he is, well thats just plain weird. Its Song Joongki. Duhhhh. 

haha, just kidding. He's my first husband. My second would be BTS. But thats another story. 

No, the guy i'm talking about is my dear friend, (insert cartoon name). I don't have a code name for him. Didn't bother to make one since everyone could see how transparent I was when I started developing a crush on him. But for now, lets just call him, Buddy. 

Ok, so whats the point of this post? Usually I have either an advice or a thought or just me babbling about me. I don't know why i wanted to blog about him. 

Sure, lets say this is a dedication post towards Buddy.

Ssup Buddy! (haha, i can never imagine myself being dead serious while talking to him so excuse me for now being a romantic in this one) 

I can tell you when I actually noticed you. It was the first day of class. I don't know really who you were on the phone with, but you were looking towards the doorway while talking on the phone and I literally stopped. From the side, you looked familiar and it gave me a heart attack, changed into Joyah-mode. I promise you, you can ask my friends. That day, I already started checking you out. wink wink. haha. 
Ok you can chill now. Its not like I stalked you or anything. I just wanted to find out who the heck were you and why do you look so much like Patrick. (from the sides.)

Then, I dunno dude. You happened to be on the same bus as me and well, our 'leader' was texting me literally everything about you. From where you live to how many brothers and sisters you had. I have no idea why. Ask him. But its a good thing (I think). 

I know it was kinda obvious that I didn't talk to you as much as i did the other boys. I guess I knew you weren't the type to mess around with? Probably. Well you weren't in the first semester. You were quite uptight to be honest. But you were nice to Nana and your group mates, so I guess you were cool because of that. 

Now is the juicy part. When did I start developing "feelings". 
I can describe it but I have no idea if you remember this. 

It was in one of our classes. There weren't ANY guys except for you. You sat in front of the class with your laptop preparing for you presentation. I already did mine days before so I just went for moral support for our other classmates. But then, one of our classmates started crying, so I went to the front and tried to comfort her. So I sat a few chairs away from you. I just ended up sitting there for a while. I don't really remember how we started talking, but we did. Then, Dinie came and sat right next to you. To be honest, I was kinda frustrated. But then again, who dared to steal away her "MAN". (well, that was what everyone else was thinking). We just ended up talking and including her into the conversation. Then, we started talking about your sister aka your mystery girlfriend. But i already knew she was your sister so we were both laughing at the fact that people thought she was your girlfriend. I don't know if this is true or not but from my point of view, you looked right at me and smiled. We didn't say anything. We just smiled at each other. It lasted quite long but I wasn't sure because we were laughing too. But thats when I started to like you. That smile.

NO! I do not only like him because of JUST that smile. 

It was nice to talk to someone who gets my jokes, who is kinda funny lah and actually has the time to explain to me, their thoughts and opinions. Even when I have no idea, but you explain for A to Z. You share a lot of info about your decisions and life choices with me. To me, that was special. You literally went step by step on how you ended up with a decision. It was fascinating. Genuinely, you had more optimistic thoughts than I have, even on your roughest days. Still manage to make one of your "kinda" funny jokes. 

I know this will never reach you. And God hope it doesn't. 

But I hope you know that I get that you have bad days and you use sports and music to cheer yourself up somehow, I do hope that you can share your troubles with me. We never really shared our struggles or problems with each other and I hope we do. Soon. For the time being, when I know you are having a tough time, please just layan my weird memes that I send. I hope you smile at them and its lightens you up a little bit. I'm not really good at this. 

So yeah, see you in the funny papers!