WE DON'T TALK ANYMORE.

Count the days that are good and bad so that you'll appreciate each one. 

Its nearly 3am when i'm writing this because i can't seem to fall asleep just yet. Today was another of those days where i know i just feel shitty. I don't know if its just me, but I usually just give into feeling shitty and just spend the day wallowing in sorrow. 

Not today. Today, i tried my very best to not let it eat me alive. I rested and spent the night helping out friends. I'd rather spend my time doing anything else than wallow in self pity. I didn't want to start thinking about him and so i didn't.

I'm clearly not the type of girl who keeps it all inside as you know i write most of my feelings in this blog or i consult my best friends. But for this story, i kept it a secret from most until i reached a point where i just didn't bother. No one even believed me if i denied it so i just played along. 

Maybe i could clearly say it amongst the girls but whenever it came to talking to him, i couldn't be blunt. I couldn't just ask whatever i wanted to ask. I couldn't talk about what I wanted to talk to him about. Why you ask? 

I was terrified of losing a friend like him...

It was clearly only one sided. The feelings i mean. 

I don't know. We don't talk anymore anyways. We ignore each other because there wasn't and isn't any need to talk to each other. We just learnt to live with not talking to each other anymore.

I guess he's not that affected but knowing the thing that scared me the most, is happening. Well that left me feel shitty.

In life there are choices that we make. Yes, i chose to be friends with him. I chose to start to be close with him. However, i didn't choose to have feelings for him. It happened unexpectedly. I did choose to not tell him at first because i didn't want to lose a friend. 

That choice was changed because somehow, we both knew if i said it or if i didn't, we were bound to part ways. Why deny fate right? Haha. 

Yesterday was the 200th day. I promised myself that i wouldn't talk about him until its been a year. But then again, I'm the one broken. 

This is my way to get fixed.