MY FIRST CAR. AXIA SE.

It's finally here! Ok look, I'm totally posting these days after but I don't care, I wanted to share and make it a memory for when I'd come back and read later. 

On the 31st of July, my red bug finally arrived home. Like I said a few posts before, my parents have been looking for a car to buy for me. And they finally made a decision, that's why I get to say that I FINALLY HAVE A CAR! 

OMG! I was excited and scared all at the same time. Do you know that feeling you get when you just feel your stomach rumbling but not from hunger but from anxiety? I guess I am slightly scared to drive because I rarely do, never got the chance much. But having a friend like Nana who is really supportive and just accepts mistakes as a path to improvement, has made me become more confident in driving. A bit. 

The night I got it, my little brother somehow wanted me to drive him to his late night tuition class. I was scared but I guess I had to since it already here and my mum already bought it. It would be a waste if I don't use it. And so I did. 

Woah! It was surreal. It was okay I guess. For a first drive after who knows how long I haven't been driving. Now I would find any excuse to drive it! Of course, while blasting the stereos with BTS.

I was excited, still am. But my friend said its okay because I appreciate the little things. I know some of you think its not little things, but nearly everyone around me has their own cars and never made a big deal out of it. Me however, I felt sooo giddy getting it. 

As far as cars go, I love how easy it is to handle plus its small and compact. Its enough for a student and someone who's starting off. 

Its a huge responsibility to have and I hope I do it justice. 

Here it is, my Axia 1.0 Special Edition! My little red bug! My first ever car. 

I'M IN THIS TO WIN THIS.

So the last time i was waiting for their comeback, they didn't reach the top most viewed video in Youtube, so now i'm taking my revenge. Please watch their video again and again. It would really mean a lot to me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBuZEGYXA6E

PARTNER OR LOVER ?

When I was younger, it seemed like we were supposed to marry the person we love. A typical love story, boy meets girl, they fall in love and get married. But when you get older and wiser, you realize that people tend to settle for a partner rather than a lover. 

I've come to notice that people settle to spend the rest of their lives with someone they can live with. Not necessarily someone who can give them the best love story of their life, its more to someone who, no matter what will be there and support you. The love that comes with this, is more to a friendly-caring sort. 

It's just someone you can see a nice life with. 

I'm not saying there aren't any couple that survives until marriage life. I guess people tend to settle. And it's not wrong. If you see a comfortable life, whats wrong with grabbing that chance? Don't worry, people tend to fall in love eventually. 

I asked my mum this question if it comes to it. Which one should I pick, and she told me about her experience. She chose someone who no matter what people said, would stick by her. Believed in her when the odds were against her. He was the one constant in her life. Hard to believe that she was talking about my dad but I get where she's coming from.

It may be just an old friend, a genuinely nice guy you never gave a chance but he's just there. Secretly not caring what others say about and care for you just the way you are. Beyond belief, he'll be your life partner. 

Now, maybe people don't see that marrying someone other than the person you have feelings is possible. The fear of a broken marriage scares everyone. They believe that "with love, they can conquer anything". 

It totally and utterly wrong. 

Compromise. Understanding. Honesty. Trust. Just to name a few traits that matter after marriage way more than your "feelings". I guarantee you'll still love that person but in a different way. 

I guess, if I was to imagine to be in those shoes, I'll love that person because he out of all the others, he's the one person that decided to spend the rest of his life sharing it with me. Neither the fear of falling out of love nor the fear of the love to burn out is present. 

The thought of actually falling in love with your best friend is a dream. Who wouldn't want that? To start a relationship after marriage, but to marry due to a friendship. Its the most sincere thing that can happen. 

I would choose a friend to spend the rest of my life with, what would you choose? 

AXES AND HOSE.

You can hear it if you say the tittle properly. Nope. I'm not gonna be a firefighter any time soon. I am here to talk to you about my infamous ex of a guy. No, I don't plan on being mean. Well, not most of the time. 

Don't get me wrong. He was someone really important in my life. At a point. I still remember my old blog had a few posts about him but it all disappeared with the deletion of said blog. 

Oh come on, we were young. Just starting to figure out this whole love thing. He was such a charmer. We never intentionally wanted to be in a relationship because I was more interested in being his friend. I guess he had different plans. 

If I could track my old posts about how "it all began" I would but heres a more bitter version of it...

So, he was in a relationship with one of my schoolmate and it was the early stages of twitter. Only a handlful of people knew how to use twitter. Me and that schoolmate were close because of twitter but somehow he intervened one of our conversations and then we became friends in Facebook. 

Yeah don't say it. 

For me, genuinely I was only his friend but I wasn't sure what he was saying to other people. To be frank, he told me he liked me but I hated that fact that he was still in a relationship when he said that. I didn't even have feelings for him then, I was just focusing on my studies. So, I stopped talking to him completely. 

Somehow, his girlfriend found out and everyone had something to say about it. After I stopped talking to him, everything died down. 

But then, a year later, I was looking for people to help me out with the upcoming exams. Most of the boarding schools were taking part and thus, I reached out to him for some. 

Then, when I came back to school. He somehow told one of my schoolmates to have me call him to know more topics that might come out. I was surprised. I had totally forgot about him and then, he casually asked me to call him. But with the sincere intent for just education purposes, I called him.

I called him everyday because the exams were daily. And he would receive the topic the day before. Every night I would call him, get the answers and we would compare answers. It was nice and innocent ofcourse. But yeah, at that moment, it was starting to be complicated. 


When I finally got back home, I saw his tweets. He was tweeting everyday about me. To be honest, it was sweet. Then, the whole player attitude made me question everything. He said he already broken up with the girl and wanted to be in a relationship with me. 


I took 3 months to fully accept him. We didn't meet up or anything since we were both focusing on exams that year. We met after finishing those exams. 

I admit it was a nice relationship to have at such an early age of my life. He was a nice and patient young man who got me for who I was. He literally knew everything about my life. He was the only person I shared everything with. 


There were always the down parts where I would get suspicious with the girls he'd hang out with. You can't take the player out of the game. So, I didn't really truly trusted him. And I was right! In the end atleast. 

The two year relationship ended a few days before another big exam where he suposedly was in a relationship with my "at that moment" best friend. Guess how I did for that exam? I aced it! Hah! 


But it did break me. 

I knew I've said this to someone but I can't remember who at the moment but I did believe that he was the one guy that I knew my mum would love. He was smart, charismatic and influential. I mean, my mum would've just allowed me to be in a relationship if she knew him now. 

Oh don't worry, I don't have feelings for him now since its been like 4 years after not seeing him anymore. 

He still texts me in the middle of the night. 4 in the morning to be exact. Everytime I ask, what is it. He wouldn't answer. I just don't get it. 

I'm only writing this blog because I need your opinion. A relationship like that happens to only a few. A lifelong lesson that can only be experienced by the few. But hear me out, if it turned out that the person who broke you was the one you'd end up with? Doesn't that scare you?

I know by now you think I still have feelings for him. No i don't. I don't. Promise. But to love someone that much and to remove all feelings is close to impossible. Trust me, I asked my friends. Now I just care for him, well the old him i suppose. He's changed a bit too much.

Anyhow, I guess whats bothering me is that i'll never find something like I had with him. A pure understanding and his level of patience in a guy. I would just randomly get mad at him and he'll still just think I'm on my PMS. 

Guys nowadays don't take late replies as easy as I thought they would. I mean, you guys go on and on about how annoying girls are when they're being clingy. And then, when I'm a person who isn't clingy, you guys go and find some other hose. 

The second I start focusing on my studies and not give my fully attention to the guy, I get dumped even before starting a proper relationship. I just don't get it. 

Oh well, life goes on aye? 

A DECADE CHILDHOOD.

I've always been sharing with you all about the downs in my life. The friends that were mean to me. I rarely share the happier parts of my life. And so, here I share to you two people who stayed being my friends for more than a decade now. 

Like any other friendships we did fall out of our friendship but we eventually just laughed it all off. We share updates regarding everything as much as we possibly can. 

this was after finishing high school. 

All three of us were in different high schools. Me being in boarding school, while they were both in different district schools. We still stayed in touch after going through somewhat different lives. I guess with them, I know that people pretty are much going through the same thing. Just in different parts of the country with different casts. 

We've been through breakups, relationships, and just simple scandals together. They've known most of the people who came and left in my life, heck we've known each other since just starting off teen years. 

Each of us different and changing each year. No matter what, I guess I love these girls and I don't see why relationships with boys are so hard to stick like friendships like these. 

I guess you can say we've grown up together. And I don't believe we'll stop being together. EVER. InshaAllah. 

this was after finishing foundation studies 

these are recents, all of us going through degree 

TEA-NANG

The other day, one of my friends replied to my tweet about my love of tea. He summarised how drinking tea for me in one sweet word, 'tenang' or calm. It was cute and nice of him so credits to Yusoff! 

I'm not spilling tea here but I just wanted it to be clear about something that's been happening. You know there comes a time when you're just sick and tired of staying quiet cuz you don't want to be THAT girl but you just have to be THAT girl for the sake of your dignity. 

And so, here I am. Telling you something that you may or may not believe. 

For some reason, I am portrayed as someone who leaves somebody when they are at their worst. Not only me but my friends too. I can't speak for them but I know this much is true, we have never intentionally left someone prior to our knowledge that they are at their worst. 

I have never left someone alone when they are facing something terrible unless they push me away. I get that everyone will face ups and downs, I totally understand them but unless you talk to me about it, how am I supposed to know. I can't read minds people. I only wish. 

We're all humans here, we're unable to know what lies inside your heart so if you say one thing, we'll understand that. I mean, communication is key here. But instead, you say one thing to us and then tell the world something else as though we're the ones at fault. 

I have always tried to be the bigger person and let you paint your own story because I've had enough of people stabbing me behind my back. I didn't want to give any energy towards something so petty. 

But now, with all the pictures she's been drawing. I am here to set things straight. 

If you think that we're fighting about boys or friends, it is totally wrong. If you think that we're fighting because I wasn't there for her, you're wrong. To me, I wasn't even in the fight. She just decided that everyone else couldn't be her friend while they were being my friends. 

I personally didn't mind being "friend-less", I said that to her face. I didn't want people to choose sides. I never did. By the way, she was acting as though people were. When all this was happening, I cried for a week straight because of this but no one, and I mean no one except my trusted best friend knew about this "argument". 

No one even knew what she did to me but the following weeks, she made sure that everyone knew I was the bad guy. Luring in her friends to trust me and only me. So there it is. That's the truth. Ever since I've been trying to fix things with her, but when you know the person so well, you just know how she truly is and you can't really trust them so much after. 

Oh and for the record, I'm not one to "steal boyfriends". We are just friends that talk about problems in our lives. He's kinda a nice person to have and I assure you, everyone can vouch for that. He's just the sweetest guy (sometimes, sometimes he's stupid and stubborn but what guy isn't) 

Recently, I have the least amount of care regarding things she does but she gets to me when she's with Buddy. There is nothing that I can do about being bothered but you know, it just sucks. 

I guess I just needed people to know my side of the story eventually. More details can't be known cuz it is really none of your business. As long as the main thing where we aren't such useless friends as we are being portrayed. We're actually really trying to be the good guy here.