MY SMALL PIECE OF JOY.

A few days ago, my batch did a little small gathering. Its like a "annual" thing. Nearly every semester, there will always be a gathering, depending on the budget and what not. Just a time where we could spend time outside of class and just enjoy everyones childish-ness. 

But then again, these are the times when theres tension because everyones stressed out with all the work. The planning. The preparing. The "everything-else-in between". All in all, everything worked out at the end. For some. 

I don't know why, but last week was really rough on me and till this day i'm still not my usual self. And so, I didn't join in a lot of the activities, I just stood on the sidelines. Even if I did join, it was because I was obligated to and set an example because I'm one of the "big people" of some sort. But I really wasn't in the mood to put on a smile all week.

In the end, I spent most of the time taking pictures and it was eye opening. I now understand why Baba likes to take pictures of us while we're not looking which in the end makes us have the most ugly-laughing faces. (You'll never get to see because its burnt into tiny small pixels of dusts! Muahaha)

When I was taking pictures, I got to see the genuine happiness in people's smiles, the genuine excitement in people's laughs, and most importantly, I felt like I was looking into someones personal moments and capturing it for their memories. I don't know but i did feel a slight joy. Maybe I should just sit on the sidelines more.

So heres a few of the pictures I took, also with pictures of me and my friends sharing a laugh. Most of them are girls, because I have the most beautiful classmates. (NO JOKE!) 

I hope everyone liked the pictures I took because I sure had fun taking them. 

THIS IS ALL AN ACT.

I have no idea if this ever happened to anyone. I hope not. But it surprisingly happened to me at the most weirdest moment of my life. 

It was a typical day like any other. Nothing special. I woke up, went to class and I thought that was it. I don't remember why exactly but we had a long break and everyone sprinted to the Kiosk to buy some food. Me, Nana and Dayah didn't buy anything much. We just checked the Kiosk and decided to go back into class. 

On our way, right in the middle of the building, there was a kitten sleeping under the benches. I went up to it and simply just wanted to pet it for a bit but the kitten eventually decided to lay near my foot. (It was adorable. I. CAN'T. BREATHE)

This made me basically knelt down and play with the kitten. The kitten rolled over and was being extra cute. It reminded me of my beautiful cats at home. How they would do the exact same thing making me miss them so much. 

I was so engrossed with the kitten, that i didn't notice Nana and Dayah already reaching class. I told them to go ahead because I was happy with the kitten.

" I won't be long. I promise ", I said. 

" Its okay, we'll wait ", Dayah ensured.

While I was fixated by the cuteness of the kitten, some passerby noticed me on the floor with the kitten. 

" Are you acting? Is this all fake? ", he said. 

I was stunned. Being nice to a kitten is considered acting fake. 

" Haha, no. I have 3 cats at home. I just miss them ", I said hiding my reaction. 

Honestly, I thought he didn't mean it at first. But why would that be the first thing he would say when he saw someone play with a cat? 

Do i literally have to write on my forehead, I'm a genuine cat lover. 

Is it so weird that I actually do show passion or empathy. 

Having a strong personality, doesn't mean I'm don't get hurt with words once in a while.

Whats funny is, if it was any other girl in our class, he wouldn't have said that. He would have praised her. And I have no idea why I'm perceived as the bad guy.

To be frank, it made me rethink about the other guys in my class. How they really think of me. 

Is it all just an act too? 

EVERYTHING BREAKS.

"You're stronger than you think but you sometimes need to break too", she told me while giving me assurance. 

I had a very emotional month. I know I rarely blogged while I was in college. Well I'm sorry. My class schedule this semester is jam packed and I need my sleep. The rest of the time I spend studying or trying to achieve sanity with my friends. 

So heres a sort of simple update of whats been going on. 

I had a severe homesick breakdown. I literally cried to my parents that i wanted to go home but i couldn't because i had obligations. The only natural thing they asked was if there was something wrong. Everything was wrong and I wanted to run away from it all. I wanted to spend time not thinking about college & everything that comes with it. Just a short escape was fine. 

Then, I was pissed because of some people's particular attitude where they talk a big game but when they needed to perform, they freaking depended on other people. OK. I don't mind depending on me sometimes but come one bruh, its just a simple task yet you still ask me to do it. And at the end of the day, you get the credit whilst I'm here like... wtv dude. 

Not even done being pissed with the dude, comes a girl who isn't letting go of old grudges. Okay look, if people act civil, everything would be okay. But to cry in the middle of class just because of something so small, well I don't even know how to react. It made me think if i was really a bad person. What did I do to make someone that traumatised. 

Lastly, I deleted (nearly) all my memories with Patrick. Now whenever I see him, it doesn't bother me. I even dared myself if i see him and a good opportunity, i'll just say Hi since it didn't matter much. 

Ok before you guys think it was damn quick for me to move on. Bare in mind that I liked this guy a year ago. He has been a jerk for quite sometime now and I haven't talked to him in ages. But every time I do, we're either fighting or I don't know how to explain it. I'm not also saying I've completely forgotten my feelings for him, its just replaced by something else. 

Done with the update. 

Now whats the relation with the first two sentences? Throughout all this, all i had were my friends. My friends who always made sure I was okay. Who made sure I was smiling through it all. Who made sure, if i was crying, they'd make sure I had enough tissues. They held an important role in my sanity these past few weeks. I am forever grateful.